.... :)

Sometimes I'm afraid of instagram. Many cool people's posts  (at least I think they're cool) makes me want to buy sooo many stuffs . Buy this, buy that. Then, I ended up browsing online stores, stays up late, and not buying anything. Yes, I don't really spend my money for stuffs (I'd rather go for great meals/snacks, haha), try to discipline myself only what I need. First start to declutter myself: diet for 'unnecessary materials'. Though ACTUALLY I need many things, but since I only need to wear them occasionally I don't prioritize them. Second, I tend to read comments, bad comments, and it consumes my negativity . What I need is plenty of positivity and self-encouragement. These days people speak what they want to say, and unfortunately our people loves unnecessary dramas.

That moment when you realize the way you act don't always work to get what you need. :-/ and you need to take a step back to review and decide what need to be done

What really make me keep on going and stick my feet on the ground is this kid. Other than that, it's really hard to see what's "worth" could be.

1. Reminds me about how I feel so lonely, that my only entertainment is staring on this small monitor. How I rarely mingle, how few are my friend -no close friend-, how I don't really socialize, counting on how few my achievements, how I am so far from doing anything to achieve what I want, how the only person I have is myself to truly share my deepest thoughts, and of course envy people who at least have other people to talk to rather than a toddler (not the toddler's fault of course). HA!  *a friend told me there are times for certain things which is soothing, but who knows?* 2. Phone on bedtime means browsing. And, browsing social media(s) makes me want soooo many things and curious about the price. 2(a). Then, look for cheaper substitute. Infinite cycles. 2(b). I need to be this, to have this, do this, then that which pretty much I don't do in reality. 3. Brings insomnia. I can't stop that makes me losing my sleepy, then, I ended up unable to sleep after 12am.  So,

Zen. Zen berarti tetap tenang menghadapi segala situasi dan terus menantang diri sendiri dengan semua opportunity yang ada di depan mata. Udah kerjain aja, gak usah pake ngeluh. Sabar, tetep ikhlas, istiqomah (ciyeh istilah baru), dan #jangankasihkendor.  Gak perlu sirik atau kesel kalau liat sesuatu yang dirasa tidak pas pada tempatnya (yang bukan urusan kita juga).  Zen.  Kenapa? Karena sudah tahu endingnya bukan di sini, bukan di posisi ini. Nextnya, gak boleh kelewatan kesempatan untuk bekal di luar sana. Beasiswa, daftar sekolah, penataran SKA madya (tentunya lunasin iuran & nabung untuk biaya keperluan sertifikasi).  Sekali lagi, Zen!!

hubungan antar perempuan itu sesuatu yang mejik menurut saya. ada aja trik dan intrik, hahaha. dalam konotasi baik dan buruk tentunya.  Me, being judgemental, banyak perempuan yang: 1. Judgemental 2. Suka komen, yang penting komen aja 3. Kepo 4. Nyinyir 5. Drama queen 6. Being nice  (atau ganjen/sok manis)  ke kolega laki-laki. Kalo ke strata setara/dibawahnya nginjek. Kalo ke perempuan yang strata diatasnya jadi ikutan nice, tapi jadi diragukan keikhlasannya being nice (terlanjur skeptis). 7. Bertele-bele. Kalo gini gw jadi mesti gitu, tp kalo gini caranya gw gak mau. duh, make your mind please. tapi, biar gini sebenarnya saya juga bisa kepingin punya geng cewek kalo liat fb org yg punya lingkaran pertemanan yang bertahun2 dan bisa akrab bgt.