.... :)

it's like falling in love over and over again. and you would do anything to give the best

I'm always obsessed of success. I always want to be recognized, I bother doing stuffs to be seen. I forget to think what's actually need to be done and what's beyond. So, it always about me and I tend to neglect important things that I need to look after. Things in my life proved that I must struggle harder than people I envy (or I may say I'm jealous with).  To accept is one thing, and to be define my own criteria is other thing.  So, what? I have to learn (again and again) to live in present moment, focus on what I can push with my own criteria. And of course, not being anxious what might happen using someone else's shoes. Theoretically, haha.

last friday, a girl with long hair called me after she saw my ID card photo with a long hair. She called me pretty in it.  Carefreely, I responded if I could I'd like to try pixie cut as well, like a boy. She responded that 'too bad, it won't be pretty again'. I'm didn't feel offended, but it makes me wonder why a woman's prettiness defined by length of her hair? quite conservative I admit. I believe there are  many spectrum of beauty. No worries, but it makes me think, though.

http://www.kompasiana.com/robbigandamana/surga-itu-nggak-penting-think-different-ala-cak-nun_5596443a337a611d0d375d92 *nanti dicari deh sumber aslinya biar sreg This had been bugging my mind lately. I lose my desire of a promised heaven and I kept on wondering if I'm still sane enough to think this way.  Tapi, ternyata gak butuh waktu lama saya 'ditunjuki' artikel ini. Setidaknya saya tidak merasa saya segila  itu lagi atau kayak sok suci aja masa' iya gak mau yang enak. Dasarnya ya cuma gara-gara saya tidak mau melakukan sesuatu karena murni rasa takut/imbalan.  I just lose my interest in it, kayak dangkal aja.  Bahkan saya pun bertanya-tanya, apa sih 'ridho' Allah itu. Apa sih ridho itu? Awas lho nanti kena musibah, atau ih dosa iih.. Okelah, kalo dosa masih lah ada. Atau, masa' melakukan ini itu supaya dapat pahala. Yaa kadang saya berbuat sesuatu karena saya kepingin aja, supaya orang lain terbantu, dan gak ngarep apaa gitu buat saya sendiri. Kadang, ya,...

I used to love and live proudly a life in a fast lane, but now I enjoy this slow life. It's no longer about how to get more in quantity. But, to embrace each moment, to understand deeper what's the utmost important, ..., how to do good. *sotoy dah